Dell (Final)

Dell

"When was it 'up for grabs,'"

Mara.

The praise was overwhelming.  The whispers around Dell were the best.  There were 'thank yous'. And after the 'thank yous' were quiet whispers that rang victory again to Dell.  He heard someone whisper, "This guy-he saved us." No subtle whisper went unnoticed to Dell.  He smiled when greeted but simmered happily in the whispers he overheard.  Then he began thinking that conversations that were too far to overhear were also about him.  The delight of having the praising focus of the Worshipers was warming.  But the attention he received from Mara was confusing.
Mara quickly smiled at every praise Dell was given. But her face darkened just as fast.  Two days had passed since Dell distracted the gunman. In doing so he gave Oblivion, Mara's father, enough time to strike the gunman and disarm him.  But looking at Mara's face now hurt more than if the gunman would have opened fire on everyone in that small room.  He felt guilty for his fame by now and wanted to give- well what does she want? Dell wanted to give anything to make Mara happy.
"If I'm happy then you will be sad," Mara said.  Dell was speechless and threw his hands out as if helpless.
"Fine, that's fine. Anything," Dell said. They were walking just to walk. Eating was something they did before meditating.  They had eaten and then sat down to meditate. But the exercise had frustrated Mara who had gotten up from meditation only minutes into the session.
"I love this place, I really do," Mara began.  They passed a huge marble surface along the wall that covered the limestone like a long uneven birthmark.  They were alone. Mara ran her hand along the smooth surface. "I want it to be my father's forever."
"But not yours?"
"That's not what I mean.  I mean he's in charge. All of the Newtopian Worshipers look to him for spiritual guidance," Mara boasted indiscriminately.  "There are so many and they all are a part of my dad's team."
"It's his army it seems" Dell suggested.
Mara look up then smiled.  She stopped walking.  "That's sort of the problem. Dell, he wants more.  He want's all of Newtopia.  Since when was Newtopia the Worshipers'?" Mara asked rhetorically.  "When was it 'up for grabs?' My Newtopia is not meant to be fought over.  Does that mean I have to fight my father to stop it?"
"What can you do?" Dell said and turned to walk.  The implications of what Mara was saying made Dell uncomfortable.  It made Dell think of how Mara's face would darken so suddenly after dealing with the warm praise by the Worshipers. It made him think of his victory. And then the darkness. And then the glory. And then it was all dark. How far would she go?
"How far would you go to maintain your peace?" Dell said.  When she paused he shuttered.
"I-" she began but Dell asked another question:
"Would you be willing to kill you father for your peace?"
"No, of course not," Mara answered easily. But she looked at him.  She wants me to know, Dell thought. She was the patient and he was the doctor.  She knows she had a disease. She even knows which one it is. She just wants to hear it.  She wants to know that it has a name; then life wouldn't be so unbearable.  The pain might be treatable.  So she stared at him for a more thorough prognosis.
"No, but there was that man. The gunman," Dell thought out loud. "How did he get in? He got passed everyone," Dell said. "You know!"
Mara looked on and then began to cry.  She looked up through tears. Dell grabbed her arm, "Not now. You can cry later!"
He squeezed her arm as hard as he could until she screeched, "Stop!" through her sobbing. "I didn't ask to be part of my dad's scheme.  But he was and is going to kill thousands of innocent Newtopians for his war, his dream. I'm not the bad guy."
Dell threw his free hand up as if helpless. "Yes, you are." He released her arm and walked back the way they came.
"You're not even a Worshiper!" Mara shouted bitterly.  "You think you are but you're just lost- in your head."
"Maybe but I'd rather be lost than where you're standing." Dell said as he turned to her again
"We dreamed together in the forest. We ran in the wild and survived," Mara said plainly.  "I slept in the mud and the cold with you, for you and your family." She stopped and turned facing him. The stance made Dell turn away from her and press his back against the cool marble.  He pressed his hands against the marble surface and closed his eye.
"That is all I have to offer.  But the future is for both of us. I know what I have to live with.  Please don't go. I need you," Mara pleaded.
And I need you, Dell thought.  But who am I if I stay? Who am I if I leave?