Clarence Delaney

Clarence Delaney

"I just got one, come look!"

Clarence

The scent of bacon intrusively fumed the air as Clarence Delany got closer to the kitchen.  There were shrieks of laughter coming from that direction and he turned into the bathroom.  The tile above the toilet was a light brown, stained from water.  Lingering before him as he stood urinating was a large-no, massive house centipede flat against the wall.  Its long arched legs reached out about an inch away from its straight brown body.  Clarence cut off flow and slowly zipped up.  More than a few seconds passed until he lifted his foot and reached for the sandal that was on it.  Scutigera Coleoptrata, the house centipede, has fairly developed eyesight but relies on its highly sensitive antennae for most information.  It has fifteen sets of legs which gives them great speed for hunting other insects or escaping predators.  He’s fast but I’m faster, Clarence thought.  But before he could get back down on two legs the wiry insect ran up and out of reach where the light green wall met the white ceiling.  This one is a master of his species.  Then he thought, could it be the largest I’ve ever seen? No, yes.

The move to Nearport wasn’t an easy sell to his wife at the time.  But the bugs made it harder once they arrived.  The kids didn’t care and- she divorced you Clarence it doesn’t matter.  Why do you even want to kill it? Because of her?  The creature was admirable after it was ugly.  The many legs weren’t clumsy rather effective tools for hunting and escape.  This one was a leader and if not certainly the dominant ‘pede of this bathroom and maybe this house. 

As Clarence eyed the many legs of the bug he slowly moved his own.  First his left on top of the toilet seat then his right on the sink.  The porcelain felt cold on his now naked feet.  One sandal sat on the floor next to the toilet and the other was held in his right hand.

Beast of ‘pedes must go. King of this bathroom be dethroned.  Without realizing the absurd implication of the gesture Clarence checked the size of the sandal unbalanced, sweating. Size 12.

When Clarence killed the large bug with his sandal the noise from the kitchen stopped.  The many legs didn’t stop twitching until moments later.  Some lay smeared on the wall above him and some on his sandal.

“Dad, you ok?” It might have been Donny or maybe Kaylee.

“I just got one, come look!” He turned and opened the door. 

The patter of feet came first then further away came, “Clarence, you’re disgusting!”  Laura had been entertaining her sister, Grace, for dinner, BLTs, when Clarence all of a sudden had better things to do.  He had nothing against Grace Bradley.  She was very neutral to him during the divorce and supported her sister with long phone calls and infrequent visits.  But ever since the divorce Grace slowly shifted every conversation to him and his work.  That wouldn’t be a bad thing if it wasn’t accompanied by hidden, wide smiles and long, deep stares.  Helpless to divert the direction of conversations and confounded about the new unsolicited attention he merely tried to avoid his ex-sister-in-law. 

“Where?” Donny exclaimed.

“Up there,” Clarence gestured to the brown stain on the wall, “and here,” he said even loud.  And they both laughed with throaty low chokes in between.  Looking around he saw that Donny was his only audience.

“Eww, it’s still moving.”  Donny observed.

“Yea when you squash it,” Clarence knelt down, dad-mode engaged, “You break up the control center for all of its nerves.  And the remaining electricity in its body fires off randomly.”

“Eww,” his son agreed.  The most compelling reason for Clarence to go to the kitchen was the sweet scent of bacon and distant but quickening hunger pangs.  But the recent killing made him feel far away from those things.  The case about the abduction ‘Friendly Jenny’ was forcing down his throat suddenly became of interest again, or maybe the first time.  “Did you finish eating buddy.”

“No,” Donny said still looking at the sandal.

“Okay, go finish and be sure to tell Aunt Grace ‘I love you’ when she leaves.  Remember she’s family.”  Donny nodded and slowly disassociated himself with the sandal.  “You forgot last time and I didn’t hear the end of it,” Clarence added quietly and to himself.

Tired and invigorated he went back to his room confident and moist with sweat.  The case he returned to was certainly an abduction but it wasn’t clear who did it.  The thin file he had from work sat on his desk as it had three days ago.  The file Norman Oakland left him later that day was far thicker.

“Clarence,” he had whispered.  The a-hole had broken into his house just to show that he could.  Much taller than Clarence at 188 cm (6’2”) the Information Inspection Agent walked from behind his kitchen table.  Nothing Clarence could remember doing had legitimately given the abrasive man any reason to really like him.  But the friendship remained and was there although much more forced by the intruder.

“Norman, I hope you didn’t break my lock,” Clarence had said both relived and angered to see the old colleague.

“Shut up Clarence and come here.  Yea I kind of did. How’s Laura?”  Norman’s words were loud and separated as he moved in for a hug.

“We’re divorced. You did? Are you still with the IIO” Norman stopped and raised his eyebrow as if he heard something.

“No, I’m with a similar unit in the Dormitories of Finances and Armistice.”  The Dorms were formed after World War II in a vow to ensure Newtopians neutrality from then on tying international trade to primarily peacemaking countries.  The change in departments was a huge promotion for Norman.  “I heard you were taken off of the Baxton case?  Wanna know why?”  Clarence said nothing and stared intently at the large man wondering if this visit was more about Norman’s promotion or his own case. “Because, I told them to.”  Clarence let his mouth open and sent his index finger up at Norman’s face. 

When he realized how close it was to the other man’s face he lowered it and asked, “Why?”

“You were hitting a dead end and so were we.  But it’s just to give you another piece of the puzzle too.  That new case is also from me.  And you’re going to crack it.”

“What for?”

“Because we can’t.”